Letting go.

“Frustration and love cannot exist in the same place at the same time, so get real and start doing what you would rather be doing in life.  Love your life.  All of it.  Even the heavy shit that happened to you when you were 8.  All of it was and IS perfect.”  - Jason Mraz

Having ten months to train for Kona seemed like a luxury, but now with just over a month to go, the long days of training are back.  Eat, sleep, work, train, rinse, repeat.  

I love it and I hate it in equal parts.  Only an endurance athlete could explain why.

The last few months have been a roller coaster ride.  And not a fun, Disney-style ride but at times a heart-stopping, grueling, take-my-breath-away-with-trepidation kind of ride.

I have learned a lot on this journey about myself, about others, and most of all, about the truth.  And the latter, well, suffice it to say that it is not always obvious.

While I can easily say that 2012 has not been the year of my dreams thus far, it has been of my making.  I chose it.  I do not regret it.  It was perfect. 

A reflection of the 2012 that has been thus far and the lessons I have learned....

Life may not always be easy, but it will get better.  Things happen for a reason.  It is not always clear at the time, particularly in those instances where I have been so paralyzed with emotion that I cannot even react, but every experience means something.  And in those moments when things are so terribly wrong, those dark moments, there is comfort in knowing that a wrong turn will eventually turn right.  And, if all else fails, there is always ice cream.

Regret not.  Don't tell me you feel sorry.  I'm not.  Every sweet (and sour!) detail add up to make me who I am.

Detractors deserve no place.  People who bring me down or are unwilling (or unable) to support my dreams are not worth my time.  I totally understand why not everyone shares my goals, and I respect that.  But I will not tolerate being belittled - if I am less than perfect to you, so be it.  I will *learn* not to let you upset me, because after all, it is not me you are unhappy with.  

Be a better judge of character, and never sink to it.  You can tell how someone will treat you by the way they treat animals.  I am absolutely convinced of it.  They treat their mother, their spouse and their friends the exact same way.

It may hurt, but never stop feeling.   Bruises, broken hearts, athletic injuries – no one wants them, no one deserves them, but they do happen and eventually they do heal.  Feeling makes me human.  And, as with training, taking the time to recover makes me stronger, tougher and more resilient.

Anything is possible.  Cannot is not a term that rests well with me.  You bet I can.

Breathe.  Everything is easier with a bit of oxygen (and the occasional nap).

And so, for the remainder of 2012.... 

I will love, share, sweat, forgive, dream, laugh and cuddle.

I will challenge myself, and challenge those in my life to be up for it.
I will go to bed at 8pm if I feel like it.
I will eat cereal for dinner if I feel like it.
I will live aloha (September 28th!!!)
I will be true to myself.

I will be unrelenting in living the life of my dreams.    

It will be perfect.